Girls, you deserve full sentences

There has been a downward spiral trend of shortening words over text messages, and it’s making our ancestors roll over in their graves.

Honestly, I do not consider myself a marvelous writer, but when it comes to sentence construction, I tend to go full throttle.

As a person who is trying to put more effort in expressing herself verbally, the tendency that people have to shorten their words via text is pure anguish. I take pride in writing very good and long sentences to articulate what I want to say, because I do not fancy misconceptions. (Yes, I come from the lineage of long text writers) and consequently, it irks me when I do not get the same service in return.

People are now substituting ‘you’ for ‘u’, ‘see’ for ‘c’ and the loathsome list continues. I can’t stomach it.

Girls, you deserve full sentences!

It shows that someone is putting in the effort to communicate with you, as a rational adult, with comprehensive skills, and brilliant cognitive abilities.

It shows that the person is taking their time to appreciate your words, digest them, and come up with a thoughtful response.

Moreover, it delves into the character of the person, as someone who values your time, and who would like you to value theirs too.

Most of the time, I go mum when someone shortens their words in this infuriating manner. It’s exasperating, and hair splitting to say the least, as I first try to decipher what the person is saying in the first place.

I once spent almost half an hour trying to figure out the rationale of someone’s message; and the next hour haranguing myself for wasting my time trying to unravel their phrases; and an insurmountable time chastising them in my head for taking the cheap easy route of communication.

I’ve let so many people get away with shortening their words to the point where I am at my wits end.

“Use your words, child!” Is a phrase I have cultivated in my mind, as I know full well how insufferable it can be when people misconstrue your words.

We seem to have forfeited the ecstasy of creative writing and the interplay of words, and substituted it for whimsical writing. The sense of urgency in the world has made some people lose the art of putting their heart into their words.

Incidentally, good writing makes you a good speaker too.

Freedom of expression – Part 1

Well, it’s official. Covid-19 is causing waves of unrest, medically and astronomically.

Governments have imposed measures to curb the spread of the virus through various ways, inhibiting the freedom of movement, freedom of association and freedom of expression.

Freedom of expression is three-tiered. There’s freedom of speech, which encompasses free speech that is exercised by journalists and tends to trump private rights in the interest of the public. We, the public, have the right to receive the information and journalists have the right to disseminate that information, and have this right protected. There’s the freedom of academic and scientific research and also freedom of artistic creativity.

Is our freedom of expression, safe? The government may have tried to control the spread of ‘erroneous’ information relating to Covid-19, but it certainly has not managed to control the spread of the disease. It’s spreading like bushfire, and the public is in distress.

Herein comes the aspect of proportionality. What exactly is the legitimate aim pursued by the government, and are there alternative ways to pursue this objective without limiting this right? Is the restriction of this right in the purview of the law? Also, is the restriction justified, or is the government flexing its muscles a little to hard.

The impact of Covid-19 is insurmountable. The havoc it has caused all over the world is truly a force to be reckoned with. Halting travel, stalling economies and crashing the International trade system, are just a few of the disturbances in its wake.

So, is the limitation of the freedom of expression justified?

Free press serves a number of roles. It exists to make the government accountable and transparent. Are the numbers of reported cases correct? Is the government working relentlessly to contain the virus and possibly come up with a vaccine? Moreover, is the government acting in the best interest of its citizens?

The European Court of Human Rights has upheld the virtue of Article 10 in the protection of freedom of expression, even going to great lengths to undermine the sovereignty of some states who have infringed this right. The case of Guja v Moldova sends a resounding message to States who want to bend the so-called inviolable bill of rights.

It’s good to juxtaposition this case alongside the famous media report concerning the JKIA employee who was summarily dismissed from his job after recording a video of the plane that landed in Kenya full of Chinese nationals. This was at the onset of Covid-19 in Kenya, and the news stirred panic and sparked outrage in the country, for good reason.

The court, in deciding most cases that have eroded the freedom of expression, seek to balance the public interest versus the price interests.

If we do the math, proportionality is at the basis of solving the problem associated with the freedom of expression, and its infringement.

When is it justifiable to inhibit this right? [Part 2]

Your message is in my archive

Do you at times, quickly redirect a message to spam, trash or my personal favorite, ‘archive’?

I do. I find it very fulfilling actually. I’m perhaps what you’d call a procrastinator when it comes to replying of messages.

I play around with the reply in my head; and taste the words of my premeditated reply on my mouth.

I get the flash of excitement in my eyes when I’ve finagled my way to a tangy reply.

What savour should I give them? A sweet undertone, a complicated answer or a nasty reply? Again, I do have a personal favourite, and it’s called, ‘a taste of your own medicine.’

Life has enlightened me that, if: ‘you have nothing good to say, don’t say it’. Nonetheless, it’s good to be brazen sometimes, otherwise your rights may get trampled on. Outspoken people tend to get what they want because: ‘if you don’t ask for it, you won’t get it’.

However, it’s wise to choose what you’re being audacious about. Think of the aftermath.

Will my words mean: the end of a friendship or of a job?

I’ve put my foot in my mouth before when I did not anticipate the fallout.

There’s definitely a time to speak up and a time to keep mum.

Regret is— when you say words that you can not take back. That’s the thing about words – they are powerful enough to wreck a relationship and they can not be taken back.

A couple of years ago, I learnt of alternative words to soften a ‘no’.

• “That’s sounds like a great idea, but…”

• “That’s sounds like the kind of thing that would be perfect for…”

• “Honestly, I’m not certain about it, could I get back to you?”

• “If only I had the time…”

• “That sounds perfect but…”

• “I wish I’d learnt of this sooner, but…”

Hmmm… What message I’m I trying to convey here? We should learn not to be so crass; we should refrain from hurting others; we should soften the blow; we should reevaluate our words before uttering them; or, silence is golden?

What is for certain is that I do not have a template for each occasion.

Sometimes, words bite!

Idolizing Marion Jones

I used to be obsessed with Marion Jones when I was younger. She was an Olympic gold medalist, and she just oozed of confidence on the field. She was relentless and knew what she wanted. To win.

Honestly, I have no idea why I was so excited to root for the American athletes. I suppose I didn’t know any better. We do have a fair share (lion’s share… ahem!) of award winning Kenyan athletes. Eliud Kipchoge just happens to be one of them. I just don’t think our government acknowledged them sufficiently at the time.

However, I was incontrovertibly a Marion Jones girl. I’d watch her face harden in concentration before the starting shot, her brow furrowed. I’d feel the anticipation every time she jumped the hurdles and almost die of anxiety when she was close to the finish line. Then something catastrophic happened.

Marion Jones confessed to doping and was stripped off of some of her Olympic medals.

Sometimes, you can hold someone up to such a high esteem, that when something happens to dim their light, your light dims with them too. That was the end for me watching the Olympic sprints for quite sometime. I didn’t want to look into the screen and not find her racing the tracks. Track and field became a little luck lustre to me. She had certainly given me an indelible experience.

I was thinking of how society seems to have quadrupled the notion of ‘idolizing’ a person in modern society. This could be a singer, a journalist, an author, a powerful orator or an athlete. We’ve epitomized people to such a high grandeur, that they have embodied the celebrated quote: “all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others” by George Orwell.

The fatality in that is that it becomes quite a problematic task to live up to that magnified theme.

Have you also noticed how society is so quick to dismiss these fallen heroes with the flick of a wrist?

The truth is, there’s so much more to life—

when the curtain closes, when you cut ties with toxic people, when you leave a relationship, when you exit the stage, when your gig ends, when you are made redundant, when you retire, when you’re laid off, when you suffer a setback, when you’re declared bankrupt (or your company is declared insolvent ).

Who are you when the accolades stop; when you’re not closing deals; when the applause ceases, when you’re not clocking in at work or not winning medals?

You’re still you, only without the noise.

And— perhaps now that the noise has stopped, you can hear yourself.

Possibly, an even more noteworthy question is:

Who remains with you when the noise stops?

In ‘Animal Farm’ by George Orwell, the pigs quickly abandoned the other animals on the farm when they obtained their new social status. Thereafter, depicted by their walking on their rear limbs instead of on all fours, mimicking the humans whom they had surreptitiously ousted from the farm. The irony is befitting!Perhaps the noise made you numb to the reality that you are, after all, human—

Who feels, who grieves, who forgives, who falls, who fails, who gives up, who tires, who shows emotion, who rises, who wins, who triumphs, who learns, who adapts, who grows.

I like you but my tentacles are busy.

‘I like you but my tentacles are busy’, ha! A flamboyant Greek man once invited me out for a sumptuous octopus dinner. He was a restaurant owner. I declined the offer because… next thing you know, you’re the one cleaning up the kitchen because his kitchen staff called in sick. Yes, I didn’t like him, plus he was too old for my age. I’d like to eat an octopus one day though, and gobble the wriggly thing up. It’s said to be very tasty.

So, I was reading up on octopuses, and these creatures are geniuses of the sea. They have neurons in their arms, otherwise known as appendages, meaning they are the kings and queens of multitasking. ( My title should have read ‘appendages’ but where’s the fun in that! The limbs on octopi are actually called arms or appendages). Eating with one arm, while eyeballing a mouthwatering lichen and definitely checking out potential suitors. Oh to be in the sea of such talent!

So, I think women are like that sometimes. We are said to be multitaskers, juggling up a lot while trying to balance it all. It’s quite a formidable task, although some have mastered it well.

To get a woman’s attention, you need to get her whole attention (not full attention) …think ‘wholesome’. Her brain has to acknowledge you, because she might be doing a serious mathematical calculation in her mind (like how to get that bonus that will be handy for that end of year vacation). Her senses have to acknowledge you.

Women are relationship-oriented. It’s one of our superpowers. By relationship-oriented, I mean that we thrive when we form good alliances with people. If she thinks you’re a good alliance, she will definitely give you her time.

Her institution. Hello, women and their intuition anyone? Intuition is something in the heart of hearts, in the gut, in the depth of the belly, in the cranial of her mind and it’s also that quiet voice that speaks to you when you listen hard enough. Intuition will tell you if you’ve made the right choice or not. It whispers to the depth of your spirit and draws your eyes to the details you had missed. The words in between the lines, the darting of the eyes, the undertones, the meaning behind one’s words, the underlying reason for approaching you in the first place. It’s a woman’s sixth sense, notably.

Her instincts have to acknowledge you. I can meet someone for the very first time and take note of at least ten things about the person- from their tone of voice, behavior, energy, appearance, attitude, stance, values, ingenuity, whether they are traditional or modern, and even what they think about you. Her instincts will give her a flee or stay perception.

Finally, a lot of people think that women follow their hearts, but they forget that women can be perpetual overthinkers! We like to repeat scenes in our minds, and find the underlying meaning to things. That’s why it’s very commendable when a man is straightforward.

If you come to play, you’re definitely dealing with the coach.

Be upfront, honest and straightforward. Thank me later fellows! Bonne chance!

BLACK and HAIR

People think that the rise of natural hair for Black people is a form of Renaissance, but honestly, sometimes it feels like Alcatraz.

I was just having a chat with my mother about how they used to straighten their natural hair in the past, and she told me that they used a hot metallic comb. I can’t even begin to imagine how debilitating that could be.

Another option, was to poke holes in a metallic can / tin, and scoop hot charcoal in it, and this was used to flatten and straighten their hair. I can’t even fathom how frustrating this can be. She said that one had to be extremely careful ( and wary) to make sure that the hot ash does not fall through the holes and scorch your skin. The anguish!

I’m usually very curious about how Africans and Black people generally begun to straighten their hair. Obviously, this is something that we had not seen before the coming of the White man in the scramble for Africa. It’s true that natural Negro hair has different types of consistency. Some people have coily hair, or what is referred to as ‘nappy hair’, whilst some have curly, soft hair.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I tend to believe that when the Whites came to Africa, there was a lot of tarnishing of our culture. How we dressed, how we worshipped, how we talked…and eventually, a seed of doubt was planted in that generation, that caused a lot of them to question their beliefs. We find that, in the onset of missionaries to Africa, a lot of people converted their religion to Christianity. Honestly, I find that the African Traditional Religion was quite in touch with the worship of God. The people condemned evil and relished in doing good, and isn’t that what true religion should promote? However, our people were labelled as savages… Brutish, if I may take the route of Thomas Hobbes.

I remember once wearing my very nappy afro hair out while working in the Middle East, and a young lady touched my hair from behind and made a mockery of it. The irony of it is that the lady was a dark skinned Arab. I always wondered -what’s this innate feeling that causes us to compare with others? I think that because Blacks are usually at the centre of most attacks, it places us at a vulnerable situation.

We just aim to be understood, but wonder why we are seeking to be understood in the first place. Aren’t we human, after all?

So, back to the hair business. I remember trying to explain to my Asian colleagues that hair is different, depending on race. However, I wondered why I was taking the pains to explain this. In the 21st Century, I’m honestly appalled by anyone who chooses the route of ignorance to make up for their inability to understand. I can point out the location of different countries across the different continents on a map, but I still have to explain to a non-African, why Africa is not a country.

It’s exhausting.

I’m exhausted.

I can fathom why the Black movement is so resilient, now more than ever. We are exhausted from explaining things that should be so blatantly obvious to a homo sapiens.

The bottom line is, the human race is so diverse, and I am yet to see anyone bleeding pure mercury when they have a cut.

We all bleed the same.

It’s not perfect yet

Working in the field of creative writing can be quite a daunting task, especially if you’re a perfectionist.

Sometimes, you write piles of drafts which don’t amount to much, and get tangled up in a mental mess of exhaustion. That’s the thing about second guessing yourself.

I remember once giving a colleague who was a graphic designer ideas which I thought were ‘fantastic’, and ‘original’ for a certain project, only to find out that the ideas had been depicted before.

Isn’t there anything new under sun?

Sometimes my mind conjures up otherworldly ideas, only to getter zapped into reality by realizing that someone else had thought of them before.

We rack our brains for the ‘outlier’ of an idea; something that will send shockwaves around the globe, just to find out that that drop in the ocean, was just that- a drop in a tsunami of similar ideas.

The way I’m getting through this ‘drought’ of ideas, is to jot down all the crazy, whimsical, torrential ideas that flow through my way, and maybe, just maybe, I will discover my outlier of an idea.

Not into corresponding

I remember having a pen pal when I was younger (please don’t judge me) and writing to him, listing ‘corresponding’ as one of my hobbies.

I wasn’t sure what corresponding was exactly. I’d read it somewhere in a dating magazine that I probably shouldn’t have been reading in the first place. So, my younger self felt quite accomplished with a correspondent title under her belt.

The truth is, I hate corresponding! It sounds reprehensible, but I’m the kind of person who does not respond to text messages and sometimes gives a cursory glance at the ringing cellphone.

I really don’t know where this unsavory behavior stemmed from, but I have an idea. I once watched a Dr. Phil show where the woman being interviewed said that she had traumatic experiences with telephone calls and this made her hesitate to answer calls, and eventually, she stopped answering them at all. Every bad news she had received in her life had been delivered through a telephone call, and somehow, a ringing cell phone was a signal for a bad omen and heightened her anticipation for the bad news.

I’m in no way equating my experience with hers. I do think that the evolution of communication is quite remarkable. However, I do think that our past experiences act as a catalyst or influence the way we behave. You just have to dig a little deeper and combat the denial that stares you in the face, daring you to admit the truth, and honestly, the truth is a bitter pill to swallow.

When everyone is busy conjuring up all forms of communication to correspond with colleagues and family during this uncertain COVID-19 times, I wonder if there are other people like me, lurking in the shadows of not corresponding.

Anxiety is a master of metamorphosis, it tends to camouflage itself in the most mundane things.

The truth is, it becomes a bad habit – this lack of corresponding. It makes one anxious to receive a call, and reluctant to reach out to other people.

I know that anxiety and distrust definitely caused my uncongenial behavior to mushroom. The truth is, some people will think that you are the epitome of snobbery, oblivious to the fact that you’re hiding behind the guise of disquietude.

To the anxious, and to those who feel forgotten or unimportant, know that you’re not alone.

Note to self.

I’m not going to ‘go along with it’

‘No’ is usually a difficult word to say, isn’t it?

Say it with me…no. No. NO. NO!

You need intense practice to be able to say no to people.

No one likes a naysayer. People are fond of easy going yeasayers.

The truth is, to be able to say ‘no’, you need to be cognizant of what you want. That’s why it is so easy for people to say yes to things because they do not have a stand on what they want.

Even the simple things, such as choosing what meal to have from the menu. I chose this example because it’s quite prevalent for people to say that women do not know what they want to eat when they are out on a date, for example.

‘I’ll have what you’re having;

Could you choose something for me?;

What do you recommend?’

These are all common answers that women give when faced with this situation, or rather, dilemma.

To be able to know what you want, you should be privy to all the options on the table. This does not only apply to choosing a meal off a menu in a restaurant, but also in other situations in life. Consent should be INFORMED CONSENT.

Take the example of dating someone. It’s quite often that women will accept to date someone, and later realize that they are not the person they packaged themselves to be. Consent was given, yes, but was it informed? We come to know of people’s traits later on. Of course, while making advances, we typically put our best foot forward, and present our favourable side to the audience.

In the book by Chris Von, ‘Never split the difference’, he talks about how getting a no for an answer is probably the best news a negotiator can get. A ‘no’ will automatically force someone to dig a little further. ‘Why did you say no? ; How can I make my offer more favorable? ; What did you have in mind? ; What is fair to you?’

A ‘no’ opens up a whole world of conversation and a myriad of questions.

Moreover, a ‘no’ will force you to think about why you’re saying no in the first place. Is it because of a similar experience in the past?; Is it because you need time to think over it?; Is it because you are naturally a hesitant person and this is a knee-jerk reaction?

How I love ‘Nos’! It may be hard to embrace them at first, but sooner rather than later, you come to realize what a powerful force it is. Practice makes perfect.

For the ones receiving a ‘no’ for the first time, you need to turn that bitter taste of rejection into a wad of saliva and swallow it. ‘No’ has a resounding thud when you hear it for the first time.

Do not be afraid to say ‘no’ when your not sure.

‘Are you sure you want to get into the taxi with that leery looking driver?’

‘No!’

Not, ‘maybe’.

‘Are you sure you want to go out with that man who has a history of commitment issues?’

‘Hell, no!’

‘Are you sure you want to stay up late in the office with your lecherous boss?’

‘God, no!’

‘Are you sure you want the chicken manchurian even though it gave you bad diarrhea the last time?’

‘No, thank you!’

Embrace the ‘no’, and it will save you from a lot trouble.

It gives you time to gain a fresh perspective, and to think things through.

It is also good to remember, it’s not everyone who deserves your ‘yes’. Use it sparingly.

ACNE

Skin regiments are typically not my cup of tea. I’m an impatient person who likes quick results, and when one idea does not work, I quickly move on to the next one.

So, during this quarantine, with lots of free time on my hands, I decided to try the turmeric and honey concoction for my face, which was breaking out. I had the most horrendous hormonal acne break out in my life. I don’t even recall such a situation in my adolescent years.

I was steadfast and painstakingly religious to this experiment, but one week in and I was looking like a haggard old lady. I thought this concoction was guaranteed to make your skin glow and what not. No…this is not what I signed up for.

I even requested for some shea butter online to see if I could remedy this situation, but changed my mind while researching online, only to find out that shea butter is not good for acne prone skin. Double jeopardy!

Someone recommended the use of banana peels, to rub on my face and rinse out after sometime. I know this seems like I was falling into the sunken place, trying out all these biodegradable materials in my regiment. I even threw in some avocado for good measure.

For a person who does not have an iota of patience, this was driving me insane. My skin was still looking like a thorn melon, especially my forehead area, I suppose that’s where ‘all the fats get clogged up’. Clearly, as you can see, I’ve been reading up on this. Darn that subcutaneous gland!

It’s now week two (I think)- I’ve lost count; but it feels like forever. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and looking up very good proverbs, like ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’. My skin is not perfect, but I’ve decided to submit to the waiting process.

Most of the time we are too quick to hurry up a good thing. One reg flag in a relationship and you’re out (this is probably not the best example, but I hope you get the gist of what I’m saying.)

Also, what works for everyone else, may not exactly work for you. All those high praises for turmeric? Waste of my time, yet works wonders for someone else. A catastrophe, yet therein lies the truth.

There are so many beauty products in the market nowadays, and I think they have quadrupled during this quarantine. It seems everyone is now looking more into the mirror and noticing those wrinkles, laugh lines, eye bugs, crows feet and grey hairs. Maybe it’s time to let our bodies self-rejuvenate. If time heals, may it heal us during this uncertain time. May it still our conscience and awaken us to the present.