Not into corresponding

I remember having a pen pal when I was younger (please don’t judge me) and writing to him, listing ‘corresponding’ as one of my hobbies.

I wasn’t sure what corresponding was exactly. I’d read it somewhere in a dating magazine that I probably shouldn’t have been reading in the first place. So, my younger self felt quite accomplished with a correspondent title under her belt.

The truth is, I hate corresponding! It sounds reprehensible, but I’m the kind of person who does not respond to text messages and sometimes gives a cursory glance at the ringing cellphone.

I really don’t know where this unsavory behavior stemmed from, but I have an idea. I once watched a Dr. Phil show where the woman being interviewed said that she had traumatic experiences with telephone calls and this made her hesitate to answer calls, and eventually, she stopped answering them at all. Every bad news she had received in her life had been delivered through a telephone call, and somehow, a ringing cell phone was a signal for a bad omen and heightened her anticipation for the bad news.

I’m in no way equating my experience with hers. I do think that the evolution of communication is quite remarkable. However, I do think that our past experiences act as a catalyst or influence the way we behave. You just have to dig a little deeper and combat the denial that stares you in the face, daring you to admit the truth, and honestly, the truth is a bitter pill to swallow.

When everyone is busy conjuring up all forms of communication to correspond with colleagues and family during this uncertain COVID-19 times, I wonder if there are other people like me, lurking in the shadows of not corresponding.

Anxiety is a master of metamorphosis, it tends to camouflage itself in the most mundane things.

The truth is, it becomes a bad habit – this lack of corresponding. It makes one anxious to receive a call, and reluctant to reach out to other people.

I know that anxiety and distrust definitely caused my uncongenial behavior to mushroom. The truth is, some people will think that you are the epitome of snobbery, oblivious to the fact that you’re hiding behind the guise of disquietude.

To the anxious, and to those who feel forgotten or unimportant, know that you’re not alone.

Note to self.

I’m not going to ‘go along with it’

‘No’ is usually a difficult word to say, isn’t it?

Say it with me…no. No. NO. NO!

You need intense practice to be able to say no to people.

No one likes a naysayer. People are fond of easy going yeasayers.

The truth is, to be able to say ‘no’, you need to be cognizant of what you want. That’s why it is so easy for people to say yes to things because they do not have a stand on what they want.

Even the simple things, such as choosing what meal to have from the menu. I chose this example because it’s quite prevalent for people to say that women do not know what they want to eat when they are out on a date, for example.

‘I’ll have what you’re having;

Could you choose something for me?;

What do you recommend?’

These are all common answers that women give when faced with this situation, or rather, dilemma.

To be able to know what you want, you should be privy to all the options on the table. This does not only apply to choosing a meal off a menu in a restaurant, but also in other situations in life. Consent should be INFORMED CONSENT.

Take the example of dating someone. It’s quite often that women will accept to date someone, and later realize that they are not the person they packaged themselves to be. Consent was given, yes, but was it informed? We come to know of people’s traits later on. Of course, while making advances, we typically put our best foot forward, and present our favourable side to the audience.

In the book by Chris Von, ‘Never split the difference’, he talks about how getting a no for an answer is probably the best news a negotiator can get. A ‘no’ will automatically force someone to dig a little further. ‘Why did you say no? ; How can I make my offer more favorable? ; What did you have in mind? ; What is fair to you?’

A ‘no’ opens up a whole world of conversation and a myriad of questions.

Moreover, a ‘no’ will force you to think about why you’re saying no in the first place. Is it because of a similar experience in the past?; Is it because you need time to think over it?; Is it because you are naturally a hesitant person and this is a knee-jerk reaction?

How I love ‘Nos’! It may be hard to embrace them at first, but sooner rather than later, you come to realize what a powerful force it is. Practice makes perfect.

For the ones receiving a ‘no’ for the first time, you need to turn that bitter taste of rejection into a wad of saliva and swallow it. ‘No’ has a resounding thud when you hear it for the first time.

Do not be afraid to say ‘no’ when your not sure.

‘Are you sure you want to get into the taxi with that leery looking driver?’

‘No!’

Not, ‘maybe’.

‘Are you sure you want to go out with that man who has a history of commitment issues?’

‘Hell, no!’

‘Are you sure you want to stay up late in the office with your lecherous boss?’

‘God, no!’

‘Are you sure you want the chicken manchurian even though it gave you bad diarrhea the last time?’

‘No, thank you!’

Embrace the ‘no’, and it will save you from a lot trouble.

It gives you time to gain a fresh perspective, and to think things through.

It is also good to remember, it’s not everyone who deserves your ‘yes’. Use it sparingly.

ACNE

Skin regiments are typically not my cup of tea. I’m an impatient person who likes quick results, and when one idea does not work, I quickly move on to the next one.

So, during this quarantine, with lots of free time on my hands, I decided to try the turmeric and honey concoction for my face, which was breaking out. I had the most horrendous hormonal acne break out in my life. I don’t even recall such a situation in my adolescent years.

I was steadfast and painstakingly religious to this experiment, but one week in and I was looking like a haggard old lady. I thought this concoction was guaranteed to make your skin glow and what not. No…this is not what I signed up for.

I even requested for some shea butter online to see if I could remedy this situation, but changed my mind while researching online, only to find out that shea butter is not good for acne prone skin. Double jeopardy!

Someone recommended the use of banana peels, to rub on my face and rinse out after sometime. I know this seems like I was falling into the sunken place, trying out all these biodegradable materials in my regiment. I even threw in some avocado for good measure.

For a person who does not have an iota of patience, this was driving me insane. My skin was still looking like a thorn melon, especially my forehead area, I suppose that’s where ‘all the fats get clogged up’. Clearly, as you can see, I’ve been reading up on this. Darn that subcutaneous gland!

It’s now week two (I think)- I’ve lost count; but it feels like forever. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and looking up very good proverbs, like ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’. My skin is not perfect, but I’ve decided to submit to the waiting process.

Most of the time we are too quick to hurry up a good thing. One reg flag in a relationship and you’re out (this is probably not the best example, but I hope you get the gist of what I’m saying.)

Also, what works for everyone else, may not exactly work for you. All those high praises for turmeric? Waste of my time, yet works wonders for someone else. A catastrophe, yet therein lies the truth.

There are so many beauty products in the market nowadays, and I think they have quadrupled during this quarantine. It seems everyone is now looking more into the mirror and noticing those wrinkles, laugh lines, eye bugs, crows feet and grey hairs. Maybe it’s time to let our bodies self-rejuvenate. If time heals, may it heal us during this uncertain time. May it still our conscience and awaken us to the present.

Pick your poison

She felt lost

And yearned to fade

Into the drapes in the room

She was a wallflower

Where party goers bloom

In the buzz of the humdrum

She remained mum

Alcohol didn’t make her tick

Although for some people

It was quite the kick

She did not find it fascinating

Sometimes, it was even bland

She walked back to the party

And knocked back a drink

Everyone seemed pumped

Excited even

She swirled her drink

To the rhythm of the music

Some people drink because they are close

A social drink

Some to get closer

To break the ice

Some as a way of escape

A bad idea

Some to find a connection

She could tell when she was almost tipsy

The room would sway a bit

Then that dazed look in her eyes

She wanted to run for the taxi

Before she would get that idiotic smile

Or that rambunctious guffaw

Or that slumped walk

It was time to escape

The room swayed

And so did her feet

This wasn’t like any other drink

She caught the look of a stranger

A smirk on his lips

This was poison in her drink

A million reasons

In a split of a second

I catch the flicker of doubt in your eyes

I see the crease of a frown above your lips

I see the flare of your nose

When you’re trying to keep calm

…

In a flash of a second

You give me a million reasons

To love you againIt’s in the purse of your lips

When you’re too angry to talk

It’s in the calculated breathes

When you feel you might cry

…

So with the ticking of time

Is the flashback to our memories

Give me your milliseconds

I’ll make it worth the while