No tear drops on my pillow

One of my friends is going through a heartrending melodramatic break up at the moment. I’ve probably seen her cry a handful of times by now. It’s devastating. They were supposed to be the dreamy couple all loved up in their cocoon of happiness, unaware that single people like me exist in this world.

When she first told me about it, I was shocked to say the least.

Words often fail me in moments as vulnerable as these. I wanted to ask her if she had eaten… I know… the village called and they want their idiot back!!

Honestly, in moments as brittle as these, all my emotions are near futile. I do not know how to comfort someone who’s hurt, crying or devastated. One of our mutual friend cried after hearing the news and I thought, how noble, how sympathetic. At that moment in time, I wanted to be as empathetic and show how I was also affected by the news, but there were no tear drops on my pillow.

I’ve been trying to research about people who are not in touch with their emotions. However, I couldn’t find a sound reasoning to echo my sincere feelings. Showing empathy comes easily to some people. They cry with you and laugh with you. Some people do not know how to display those emotions. Yes, I can be deeply sorry, deeply hurt, deeply disappointed, though I’ve trained my heart to be guarded against showing my emotions.

I honestly don’t remember how it all started, though through my experience, I’ve faced people who’ve tried to break me to see just how fragile I could be. How fast I could crumble. I may not cry in public, but I’ll probably do so when I’m alone, in deep solace, when I’ve come to terms with it all.

I believe people who do not show emotions are the ones who hurt more, because when the truth hits home, it does so with a resounding thud.

Memoirs of a heart that may be stone, but never cold.


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